I’m Almost Cool

I had my first celebrity moment yesterday.

I went to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned, sat down in the chair, and noticed the dental hygenist looking at me strangely. I just kinda smiled, not sure what was up. It was time for my yearly x-rays, so she made me bite all the plates and put that gun up to my head before leaving the room to pull the trigger. So weird. You get a lead plate for your chest and undercarriage while they shoot something horrible through your face, which is unquestioningly acceptable, but when the hygenist feels the need to leave the room so she doesn’t get blasted I’m like… so, this is okay for my brain and, like, my eyes and stuff?

I know it’s a matter of how many times you get hit with it, and that’s why the hygenist leaves the room, but still, it’s funny how accepting we are of getting radiated.

Anyway, we do all that and she’s still looking at me funny. Not too funny, you know? Not like I’m the shape of water or something, but just a little off. I just take in stride, huff my knuckles and rub them on my chest… still got it.

Yeah, nah.

She goes, “Man, I feel like I know you from somewhere.”

I shrug, thinking I’ve been in the office a dozen times, and even though she’s never worked on me before, maybe she just recognizes pure, unadulterated handsomeness when she sees it.

Knuckle huff, chest rub. “I’ve been coming here awhile.”

She says, “No, that’s not it.”

Then it dawns on me that maybe she’s seen my author photo, so I say, “Do you read?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m an author,” I say.

She says, “Oh my God, does your book have a skull on it?”

Knuckle huff, chest rub. “It sure does.”

“That’s how I know you!” she says. “You’re wife was in here like a month ago and told me about your book!”

Oh.

“She’s like the sweetest person ever.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty awesome.”

“Make sure you tell her I said hi!”

“I will.”

Almost cool.

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